Hi, my name is Bruce, and I'm a laze-a-holic. (OK i know that is not a word, but sometimes I feel addicted to doing nothing). Today, however, I went to the gym INSTEAD of going to Sunday Beer Bust at the Lone Star. I'm sure its not a big deal for most of you, but it was for me!
Lately, I have become more of a loner and much less of a social butterfly. I have been trying to figure out whether it is a sign of personal growth, or simply low-grade depression. In the end, despite my natural tendency to think it is a bad thing, I think I have been forced in the last year to grow more comfortable with myself. As with any change, there is discomfort and over-compensation. At first, I was desperately lonely, then as that started to subside I began to relish my free/alone time so much that I was almost hiding from even my best friends. I was concerned about this at first, but now I think it is just a natural result of trying something "new".
Lots of good things have happened during this time. I have been more engaged with my family this year than in many years, and that feels great. I have also been more engaged in my job and have gotten more positive feedback than I had for 15 years or so. Finally, I have been able to grow on my own while still knowing I have someone across the ocean who loves me every bit as much as I love him. Even the frustration of our separate lives seems at times like an experience in discipline to me---I typically HATE deferred gratification, but the waiting for the next time I see him (hopefully May here in SF) only seems to reinforce what a precious thing we have.
In fact, a lot of things in my life seem more precious now that I am spending less time "socializing" and more time loving myself and those closest to me.
Part of what is so great about blogging is that I have trouble keeping the good thoughts in my mind from day to day. But when I write it down, I have something more permanent to which I can refer later. My wisdom is momentary and fleeting, but the blog is forever!
PS---Can you tell I have been listening a 3 disc set entitled "Radical Self-Acceptance"? It was a birthday gift from my lovely ex-wife Karen which I just got around to listening to. Basically its a soothing female Buddhist clinical psychologist who says lots of things that make sense and make me feel better...works for me! Thanks, Kar!
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