Hi, my name is Bruce, and I'm a laze-a-holic. (OK i know that is not a word, but sometimes I feel addicted to doing nothing). Today, however, I went to the gym INSTEAD of going to Sunday Beer Bust at the Lone Star. I'm sure its not a big deal for most of you, but it was for me!
Lately, I have become more of a loner and much less of a social butterfly. I have been trying to figure out whether it is a sign of personal growth, or simply low-grade depression. In the end, despite my natural tendency to think it is a bad thing, I think I have been forced in the last year to grow more comfortable with myself. As with any change, there is discomfort and over-compensation. At first, I was desperately lonely, then as that started to subside I began to relish my free/alone time so much that I was almost hiding from even my best friends. I was concerned about this at first, but now I think it is just a natural result of trying something "new".
Lots of good things have happened during this time. I have been more engaged with my family this year than in many years, and that feels great. I have also been more engaged in my job and have gotten more positive feedback than I had for 15 years or so. Finally, I have been able to grow on my own while still knowing I have someone across the ocean who loves me every bit as much as I love him. Even the frustration of our separate lives seems at times like an experience in discipline to me---I typically HATE deferred gratification, but the waiting for the next time I see him (hopefully May here in SF) only seems to reinforce what a precious thing we have.
In fact, a lot of things in my life seem more precious now that I am spending less time "socializing" and more time loving myself and those closest to me.
Part of what is so great about blogging is that I have trouble keeping the good thoughts in my mind from day to day. But when I write it down, I have something more permanent to which I can refer later. My wisdom is momentary and fleeting, but the blog is forever!
PS---Can you tell I have been listening a 3 disc set entitled "Radical Self-Acceptance"? It was a birthday gift from my lovely ex-wife Karen which I just got around to listening to. Basically its a soothing female Buddhist clinical psychologist who says lots of things that make sense and make me feel better...works for me! Thanks, Kar!
Hey...Bruce...good to see you back in with commentary. Think I understand the feelings. Not sure if you'll see this soon enough...guess it depends if you are back in your blog or if you set up email alerts on blog commentary coming in...but I am going to be in SF from the 13-16 or 17th of April. Ya up to socializing for a cup of coffee or something, if our schedules can swing it? let me know.
Posted by: Tony | April 06, 2007 at 12:45 AM