StatelyWayneManor

Confession

OK...I admit it....the "Sing Along Evita" at the Castro Theater was REALLY fun.   Is that so WRONG?????

Disturbing News

If indeed I EVER wanted insight from an Astrologer....do you think I would want this supportive message delivered straight to my inbox??:

Astro Alert: Uranus Turns Retrograde

I don't know what to do with this kind of information, but for someone as self-conscious as me, it is guaranteed to have me twisting my body in front of the mirror to see exactly what about it is "retrograde"!   People and e-mail can be so cruel......

Back to My Cage

Well....one week of employment and it is all so clear.  Corporate America is again taking control of me, bit by bit, sapping my creative energy (no blog), sapping my physical energy (no gym), and soon, no doubt, absorbing my very soul.  And even worse, this time it is under the guise of a pleasant working environment, with a fair and supportive manager and manageable working hours.  I have yet to feel EITHER the pit of dread in my stomach before going to work OR the feeling that 5 o'clock will never, ever arrive.  I am very suspicious of all this.....tomorrow I will confront someone: "Listen, I don't know what kind of a SICK game you're all playing, but, rest assured, I am ONTO you!"

Then again, maybe I'll just try one more day of feeling at peace with myself at work...It's such an odd feeling, I don't know what to do with it!

A Day in Suburbia

Today was a classic Saturday in the farthest out East Bay suburb of Livermore (LiveNoMore to many of us), where Karen and the kids live.  First Little League for Jake, then prom night for Maggie.  It all felt GREAT...check out the pics:




First the Cardinals won 9-1!

Then it was back home to see Maggie, her 2 friends and their dates pose for prom pics... I was dazzled....how did she get this beautiful and could she possibly look more adult?  Scary!

End of an Era

As of Monday, The Era known as "Bruce:  The Unemployed Months" will officially be over.  It's been a fascinating time for me.  So scary at the start, then almost comfortable, then scary BECAUSE it was comfortable, then REALLY comfortable, then financially UNcomfortable, then comfortable because it was ending, and finally UNcomfortable because it is ending.

Suffice it to say that my comfort/stress level does NOT appear to depend on whether I have a job or not.   Now that I will be earning money I seem to be slightly MORE stressed about finances than I was the whole time i was out of work.  It is the perfect demonstration of how whatever we make never seems enough, and how people like me will live just slightly beyond their means, regardless of what their "means" really are.

Oh well, I can say for certain it has been a healthy experience for me.  It gave me time to reflect, got me back to the gym and helped me remember that even the toughest times for me are very survivable.    I am a bit nervous though....somehow those hours from 9 to 5 are starting to seem so VERY long again.

Real Truthiness

As usual the GayProf has crystal clear insight, this time on the train wreck that IS Mary Cheney.  Check it out at Center of Gravitas

What a Drag!

One of my favorite pastimes with my best bud Adam and others is thinking up or hearing new and clever names for drag queens.  There are so many different inspirations...sometimes we actually see a drag queen with an amazingly clever name.  Or possibly just sitting around the pool sipping cocktails something pops into mind....or maybe alone, something too perfect comes up, requiring an intercontinental text message.

Even better though is when an actual moment (OK, I admit, usually in a bar), inspires greatness.  This was the case last week at MJ's in LA.  I saw a well built, fairly attractive (albeit overly hair-gelled) Latino guy whom I pointed out to Adam who immediately took note of  "New World" features.

Adam: he has that 'Indian' look you like so much.(a clear reference to my beloved ex Rafael).

Bruce:  Actually, he looks like he could be Bolivian.

Adam:   Hmmm....like "Bolivia  Newton-John"?

Bruce:  (Speechless and  spitting up Long Island Iced Tea)  ExACTly!

And a new great name was born.  He will forever be BNJ to me, and I will be looking for him every time I am in LA.

There are drag names for every situation.  For example:

The shadowy new star of the latest Bear Event--   "Miss Teri Oso"

The juiced up muscle boy/girl who can REALLY fill out a bikini--   "Anna Bollocks"

And if you really want a wild ride...take a trip to "Helen Bach".

The uber-conceited Danish circuit boy who ravaged America/Canada/Australia/Spain in search of a sugar daddy a few years back became, of course, "DANE EDNA"!

In the Mexican category, we have
"Mary Atchey" and
"Chile Con Carne Wilson" (plus-sized division)

From the UK we have the optimist, "Lisa Life",
and the downer, "Crystal Comedown"

In the category of "In Case You hadn't noticed", we have
"A-Man-Duh!" (a REAL superstar drag queen in SF)    and
"Mia Mann."

And if literature is your thing, you might fancy a date with "Tequila Mockingbird".

The reservoir is endless...just waiting for the next  ridiculous situation/person/moment  from which my new favorite will emerge!  Hopefully it WON'T be Adam coming out of the shower with a towel around his head looking like "Erykah Ba-Don't"!

XXX

No...not porn....and NOT the inexplicably-snubbed-by-Oscar Vin Diesel classic... 

I am talking about the three people who occupy FAR too much of my thoughts, as far as i am concerned...my 3 X's.

X no. 1 is the girl I married, the one who laughs at all my jokes still.  The one who got me, and still "gets" me.  The one who gave me the 3 most amazing kids in the world.  The one who was perfect for me, but for this small "gay thing" that got in the way.  The one who is never dramatic, has endless supplies of "slack" for me, but still makes me feel like I am a pretty cool guy who (sort of) has it together.  Thinking of her is not really so bad, except it reminds me of how much of a freaking pain in the ass life has been since we've been apart.

X no. 2, in hindsight, was all wrong for me.  Too young, not emotional enough, not serious enough, not communicative enough,  not "into me" enough,...and yet he was the ultimate security blanket for me.  Great fun, great company, great travel buddy, relaxed household companion, perfect compliment as a party host, and great home decorator/house cleaner.  I KNOW we were not right for one another.  I KNOW we deserved more from a partner than we gave each other.  I KNOW we are each in a better place now, and yet, I just miss him so damn much and can't get over the feeling that he doesn't miss me at all.

X no. 3 showed me what magic and passion were all about.  The relationship was hard work (MUCH harder than the other two), but the rewards were so spectacular.  I was dazzled the instant I met him, was dumbfounded someone as gorgeous as him could want someone like me and then went on to share some of the most intensely beautiful moments of my life with him.  The fact that we could not be together seems so damn unfair to me.  Even though we both made each other crazy at times, I will always think if we had a chance to be together 24/7, the big things would become little things and the little things would just be things we laughed about.

Unfortunately now, I am left with 3 X's, each of which makes me weepy without even knowing it.   I don't regret a single moment, but what i struggle with now is the fact that I DON'T WANT ANY MORE X'S.  I'm exhausted by the amount of time I spend being sad for things that were and things that never could be.  It makes me not want to venture into the the world of romance again.

Is there a way to be sure someone you date/like/love/commit to/marry won't become an X???  If not, I may just stick with the three I have and be happy with the friends and family with which I have been blessed. 

LA Confidential

Pssssst....don't tell anyone, but i got a job, finally!   I start May 15, and I get a company car!   Please forget all of the horrible things i have said about American cars---when someone else is paying for it, including gas/insurance/repairs, it's as good as a Ferrari to me (well, maybe not, but at least as good as my old Civic!)

I interviewed down here in SoCal with my future boss, who will supervise me from afar (the job is in Oakland).  After two months of exploring by applying for jobs in other fields, I applied for a few in the same field i had been practicing and immediately the phone started ringing off the hook.  It feels good to be wanted by someone!

In the meantime I am back in LA all week for the first time in over a year.  Everything here looks, sounds and smells like my ex, who lived down here for the first year we dated.  Through him. I learned to appreciate this place in a way which is unnatural for a native San Franciscan.  I tell people now that Cali on Cali hate is so 80's...it's all about respect for the diversity of the California Republic.   Vive la difference!!!

Tonight we venture down to Long Beach, which has my favorite SoCal gay community....love the feel...it reminds me of home!  Tomorrow Cinco de Mayo in Silverlake and then who knows on the weekend.  The bonus is I am hanging out with best bud Adam who is here from London doing all kinds of fancy music business wheeling and dealing.   I finally have seen evidence he REALLY works!  Let's just say i wouldn't voluntarily trade places with him--I don't have anywhere near that kind of energy.